Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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