She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You dont lie about slip and slides
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize