Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize