Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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