Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
