If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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