CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
