Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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