Apparently you make a good broom.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
