I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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