I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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