i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
