tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize