Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
