the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
