Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is Oprah even human
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
