I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize