So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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