You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
