i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it hurts more in the daytime
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
