your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
