I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
