The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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