I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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