I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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