Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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