he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
