i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize