I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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