im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
