I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Life is so much better after having sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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