so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
