What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize