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I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
