I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
