youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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