and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
