I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize