Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
