I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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