Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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