"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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