Umm I'm too high to move.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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