What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
