it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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