Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
