I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
