Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
