I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize