this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
