I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
