we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
