I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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