Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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