i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
