I must be too annoying 4 u.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
