Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
