They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My feet surprised me
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
