Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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