If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
