it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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