I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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