He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
