I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
