How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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