So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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