Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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