i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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