And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
