Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
