Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
