Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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