Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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