You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
