who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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