my phone needs a breathalizer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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