A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
