Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
