I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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