so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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