All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
