I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
