If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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