My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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