Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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