it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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