Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
