Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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